The Long Way Home by Jasinda Wilder

Author:Jasinda Wilder [Wilder, Jasinda]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-1-941098-87-5
Publisher: NLA Digital, LLC

25

[Cape Town, South Africa; February 14, 2016]

I start out drinking alone. It’s Valentine’s Day, but neither Marta nor Jonny consider it a holiday, since neither of them is American, and Valentine’s Day is a distinctly American holiday. Jonny is out on the town and has been for a solid week, coming back to the boat only occasionally to repack his overnight bag with fresh clothes. We decided to stay in Cape Town for a while, mainly, I think, because every once in a while Jonny just needs to…sow his wild oats, you might say. Jonny is Jonny. I’m not sure what he does when he’s gone like this, but it’s how he’s been since I’ve known him. He’s not the type to go on crazy benders, so it’s not just about drinking, I don’t think. Women? Maybe. He’s reticent to talk about himself, and I don’t push it.

Marta is I don’t know where. Doing Marta things, I guess.

So I’m alone on the boat for a change, which is nice. It means I can wallow. I crack open a bottle of scotch and pour myself a tall drink, and I take it to the trampoline between the hulls and think about Ava. About everything that went wrong. About how much I miss her.

How lonely I am.

I want to call her.

I don’t, because I agreed not to. I’m planning on getting drunk, just like we used to, just like I promised.

One drink becomes two, and it’s harder and harder to think about Ava. About the pain in her voice when we spoke at Christmas. How much that conversation hurt. How awkward it was. We used to be able to talk about anything, endlessly. And now we can’t get through a merry Christmas conversation? What went wrong?

I don’t know what to do.

I can’t go back. I’m not cut out for life on land. This, out on the ocean, this is the life I was meant to live. But I still love Ava…that hasn’t changed. I realized that when we spoke. I love her. I’ll always love her. But…what if she’s right? What if Henry’s death was life or fate or God stamping THE END on our relationship? I just don’t know how to fix things, how to reconcile with her. She won’t come to sea with me, and I can’t go back to that life.

I miss her.

Fuck, I miss her so bad.

I need her. I need her kiss. I need her touch. I need her presence.

I’m drunk.

The stars are spinning, wheeling, and the boat is rocking beneath me—although since it’s a boat, that’s normal, but it seems more unstable than usual. Is this my third drink or my fourth? Can’t remember.

Nothing matters.

I should just move on. Take the wedding ring off, get a lawyer back in the States to draw up divorce papers. What’s the point? Does she even miss me? Didn’t seem like it. Seemed like she was in pain, sure, but did she miss me? Does she want me back? Does

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